Here (below) is a picture of Blake Lively, on the set of her latest film, posted by her husband Ryan Reynolds. You might wonder what the big deal is – it’s an actress, in character, looking rough – but this is the hot actress Blake Lively, part of one of the most feted couples on the scene, looking the opposite of hot, which is what makes it extraordinary.
By posting this picture on Instagram with the caption #nofilter Reynolds is saying “we are confident enough to send each other up in public” – which is where we come in. Reynolds has got us thinking about the rules of Other Half Shaming in the real world, and where you should draw the line.
- Domestic incompetence shaming. Women may call men out on any and all domestic incompetence. I have myself taken a picture of the Sky man’s sad face as he holds up the lead that wasn’t plugged in (to send to the Other Half at work); I have photographed the carrier bag in the fridge containing butter and light bulbs (for the amusement of the kids); and now everyone we know knows the latest story (he couldn’t turn off the InSinkErator so “disabled” it by cutting a hole in the work surface, only that didn’t turn it off). Men, however, are not allowed to suggest that women are lacking in the domestic department. Not at all. Shame us for our soggy fish pie/ ability to kill a plant in 24 hours etc, and see where that ends up.
- Humiliating stories shaming. Again, anything goes if men are the butt of the joke, apart from the following: stuff that has reduced them to tears; stuff that could get them referred to social services (e.g. the poor supervision of the barbecue which resulted in the youngest getting stuck to it); stuff that has placed others in danger (how long have you got…? Even if you don’t count lighting the gas cooker in the tent at the festival).
- Fat-shaming. The rule here is it’s perfectly OK for a couple to fat-shame each other, providing neither is actually fat. Ditto remarks about slovenliness and looking old. (You can’t age-shame anyone these days, though you may out yourself age-wise, in the hope that someone you don’t know starts shrieking “You Cannot BE! I thought you were 38!”)
- Clothes shaming. As in announcing to the assembled company, “My wife has come dressed as Demis Roussos…” All perfectly healthy. I’ve had the lot over the years: Motty, late period Elvis, Wendy Craig in Butterflies. It’s also fine to shame men, especially about slightly too-tight jeans, Bono sunglasses and scarves they have nicked from you.
- Crush shaming. This is when either one of you tells everyone your Other Half fancies someone you all know. (I’m reliably informed this is a highly effective cooler.)
- Tightwad shaming. Not a good idea: there is nothing funny about being mean. It’s also inadvisable to shame: terrible taste in previous partners (reflects poorly on the shamer); poor parenting skills (same); hair loss; brushes with the law.
Is it just me…
Who never thought they would be eyeing grey hair with interest (see Orla Doherty, producer of “The Deep” episode of Blue Planet II)? But all of a sudden the right grey hair (longish, not white, variegated) looks almost youthful compared with the alternative – which is Fabricant Straw Blonde.
Next to the average midult blonde, grey is a breath of fresh air. Not all blondes end up looking like Michael Fabricant or Garth in Wayne’s World, or Donald Trump; but, let’s face it, a lot of us do and grey, the right grey… deep breath… may just edge it. Not quite yet, though.
Is it OK to…
Be quite bored already of the vogue for the hard, meaningful kiss? Actors scrabbling for new ways to express their depth of feeling have given up the double cheek grazer (adequate for decades) and are now lurching at each other like star-crossed lovers. Latest to adopt the maxi clinch are Kate Winslet and Allison Janney, for reasons that seem to boil down to Winslet being a fan.
The worry here is: what happens when actors at awards are genuinely overwhelmed by joy and pride? Should we be bracing for legs wrapped around waists? Collapsing on stage and spooning? This kiss is only the basic appreciation stage after all.
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