Last November, I made a gossip-prediction about the Best Actor Oscar race. My prediction hasn’t come true. I’m sorry! To be fair, it felt like my gossip-prediction mojo was “off” all of 2017. I’ve regained my sense of prediction-equilibrium this year, especially when I called the Justin Theroux-Jennifer Aniston divorce. Anyway, my gossip prediction last November was that Gary Oldman would not have an easy-going Oscar campaign for The Darkest Hour. I was wrong: he’s had the easiest f–king ride throughout his campaign, picking up every major award thus far, and he’s 99.9999% guaranteed to win the Best Actor Oscar on Sunday. What happened? I think I forgot that Gary Oldman is an older white dude and they always get “passes,” plus I grossly overestimated how much people would care about the allegations that he brutalized his ex-wife, and how much people would not care that he gave that problematic AF interview in 2014.

So because Oldman is a shoo-in, I thought I should actually sit down and watch The Darkest Hour, even though the trailers made it look like a parody of “this is the dumb Hollywood movie which will win an Oscar because it’s about WWII and a historical figure.” Guess what? This movie is trash. If you haven’t seen it yet, don’t watch it. It’s AWFUL. It reminds me a lot of Meryl Streep winning an Oscar for The Iron Lady, another f–king awful movie about a “British historical figure.” Older Oscar voters love that sh-t – they love it when older actors wear a sh-t ton of prosthetics and act like a cartoon of the actual historical figure they’re supposed to be playing authentically. The Iron Lady was unwatchable to me, and The Darkest Hour was almost as bad.

I can’t decide what pissed me off more: the gross historical inaccuracies or the fact that Gary Oldman was, in fact, garbage in this role. They made such a big f–king deal about the makeup and Oldman’s “transformation” – leaving aside the fact that they should have simply hired an actor who looked more like Churchill from the start – that it was a bit disconcerting to realize that OH RIGHT you can’t slap makeup on a sh-tty performance and expect it to be good. Oldman’s prosthetic-heavy face looked weird and “off” throughout the film, and despite the fact that he wore body-bulking pillows/fat suits, he didn’t even bother to carry himself like a larger man. It was obvious throughout that he was a slender man wearing a fat suit and prosthetics on his face. As for all of the work Oldman supposedly did trying to get Churchill’s voice right – he did not. I’ve heard those Churchill speeches. Oldman didn’t get his voice at all. And he’s going to win an Oscar for this. People are going to be SO embarrassed about this in a year, just like Meryl’s win for The Iron Lady has not held up at all.

Also: the whole Oscar campaign is based on “he wore a lot of makeup and transformed himself” (see below) – but, AGAIN, the makeup and prosthetics were not good. Plus, we need to stop giving actors Oscars for wearing f–king makeup.

Gary Oldman's transformation into Winston Churchill took 13 makeup tests, 48 consecutive shooting days, 200 hours in the makeup chair, and one incredible Oscar-nominated Hair & Makeup team. #DarkestHour pic.twitter.com/CIf6bgQYeH

— Darkest Hour (@DarkestHour) February 23, 2018

Photos courtesy of WENN.

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