Q FIVE years ago, I moved in with and eventually married the love of my life.

It was her second marriage and she had two children - a boy then aged four and a seven-year-old daughter.

It took the kids a while to accept me, but we didn't rush them and I built up, what I would call, a very good relationship with them both.

They see their father occasionally, but he is not the most reliable of people and has another three kids by two other women.

But he's their dad and we've always agreed they should call me by my first name, although I think of them as my kids.

Recently, I have come up against a horrific problem that I feel unable to talk to anyone about.

The 12-year-old flirts with me. I can't call it anything else. She throws herself at me and has tried to climb on to my knee - which she never did when she was younger.

She only does it when her mum is elsewhere. She even stuck her tongue in my mouth last week. I yelled at her and she burst into tears.

She said she loved me. I am not the slightest bit attracted to her, but I find it very difficult.

A KIDS around your stepdaughter's age quite often practise, as it were, their feminine but immature charms on their fathers before they move on to the real thing - boys.

The youngster herself may think it's a pretty harmless game and, in many ways, it is, so long she is very firmly discouraged from allowing it to become overtly sexual.

Your stepdaughter has clearly overstepped the mark between innocent flirting and something which - with another type of man - could be very dangerous indeed.

Fortunately, it looks as if you have made it crystal clear that you neither want nor approve of the attention.

So far, so good. You've done the right thing. However, what I can't understand is why you did not tell her mother, your wife, the minute she began acting in such an inappropriate and provocative way.

I absolutely believe everything you have said about how horrified you were by the girl's behaviour. I don't think you're a closet paedophile or have anything other than her best interests at heart.

But, still, what I can't get my head around is why you haven't apparently said anything to your wife. By keeping it a secret, you're in danger of making it look as if something unsavoury could or, indeed, has been going on between you both.

See it from an outsider's point of view. Why keep it quiet? It could appear to others, including the child's mum, that you do have something to hide.

The longer you put off telling her, the more suspicious it becomes. That, then, is your first priority. Tell her mother everything that's she's done and I mean everything.

Don't leave out the tongue in your mouth or the child's declaration of love. Your wife has to appreciate that this isn't something that can, or should, be ignored.

The fact you are her stepfather makes it, if anything, more complicated. So the sooner you get on with putting your wife in the picture the better.

Then the pair of you can deal with it together. I'd make sure the girl herself is aware you've informed her mum.

Don't give her the slightest excuse to think she can rival her mum for your affection.

That doesn't, however, mean I think either of you build this into something it's not. Of course, you don't let her sit on your knee, but don't react like a scalded cat either. Just tell her she's too heavy for an old man such as you.

Asense of humour will help, as well as a united front between you and your wife.

Let your stepdaughter know you love each other very much and that you both love her and her brother, too, but only in the way a parent loves a child.

As I said right at the beginning, it's fairly common for teenagers to behave in this way with their fathers. It's usually only a temporary thing, so keep it in proportion.

Soon enough her apparent crush on you will be completely forgotten when she starts going out with boys of her own age.

For more help contact Parentline Scotland on 0808 800 2222 and visit www.stepfamilyscotland.org.uk

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