In a move that screams “totally inappropriate publicity stunt,” Anna Nicole and her drugged lawyer, Howard K. Stern, had a “commitment ceremony” aboard a yacht complete with guests, an officiator, and speedboats delivering champagne. They claim it was meant to be a private affair, but then why did they invite guests, hold it at sea and make it look like a wedding?

Anna Nicole and Howard “escaped their house” at three o’clock this morning, according to their press release, “and boarded a boat to quietly sail the ocean around Nassau … on a clandestine sail to recapture simple pleasures — fresh salt air on the face, a sunrise on the ocean, and wind in their hair. And then a good thing happened: during the sail, Anna Nicole Smith and Howard K. Stern made a commitment before God to be there for one another, to be each other’s strength during this difficult time.

“By mid-morning, helicopters flew overhead, speed boats approached, and camera-equipped scuba divers invaded what had been an otherwise perfect moment of peace, solitude, and hope,” continues the statement. “The event was intended to be totally private between two adults deeply in love with each other and needing simple reassurances that they could count on one another through life’s ups and downs. The outing was never expected to be shared with anyone other than Howard, Anna, [her newborn daughter] DANNIELYNN HOPE and a few close friends and family.”

Although the ceremony was officiated, it was not a wedding and no marriage certificate was issued, according to the release.

Yeah, the first thing I wanted to do when my baby was three weeks old was go party it up with my partner. Now, it’s understandable to have a gathering for friends and family who came out to see the baby and comfort Anna, but why hold a “commitment ceremony?” It seems really hackneyed to me. Anna deserves every happiness and all, but this is a dumb move and people are going to stop feeling sorry for her soon.

No one believes this guy is the father of her baby, and holding a faux wedding isn’t going to change anything.

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